Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sunday thoughts

I'm trying out the OMMwriter for the first time right now. I think I have fallen in love completely. This program is amazing. Moreover, it's free. It makes writing a true escapist activity. I can't see anything else on my screen write now. There is no temptation to check email because I can't see when new messages come through. The same goes for Twitter and Facebook. It brings new meaning to the concept of "out of sight, out of mind." The page background is beautiful. It's a snowy white with snow in the foreground and a couple of distant winter trees. I have the option of changing that if I would like. I am listening to the sound of lapping waves on a shore and it's so serene and peaceful that I think I can picture myself on the beach even as I'm typing this. I also have the option of changing the sounds of the keystrokes. They can be silent or a variety of other sounds. Currently, I hear small drops of water as I type and it adds to the peace of the experience. From the moment I started using the program, I felt relaxed and I felt like my mind was opened up wide and more free to accept the ebb and flow of ideas that are constantly rushing through it.

Church was very uplifting today. I am so glad I was there. I was a little bit frustrated in sacrament meeting. You see, I'm very, very sensitive to loud stimuli. In fact, there is an actual term for it, called "the highly sensitive person." I remember stumbling upon the book of the same title some years ago by Dr. Elaine Aron. I didn't actually read the book, but I went to her website and took the self test available there to see if I was really considered highly sensitive. I was shocked by the result. Of the 27 listed traits, I checked the boxes of 26! I am very, very often overwhelmed by environmental stimuli. I am sensitive to smells (and this was over exaggerated while I was pregnant) and can sometimes be frustrated by lighting as well. Very bright lights make me want to run and hide. I like ambient lighting and often find myself turning off as many lights as possible. But overwhelmingly, it is noise that really gets to me. Sometimes the level of noise is nearly crippling. I've spent so much time trying to figure out what the triggers are. I wonder, because I can attend a concert or a party and not be bothered by the noise so much. But in other situations, it really gets to me, so much so, in fact, that it's all I can do to keep myself from literally running from the room. At home, it's often just too much for me to hear the television, the kids making noise, and other sounds all at once. I just want to press a mute button on everything.

Today in sacrament meeting I felt that way. There were so many babies screaming and crying and I just couldn't take it anymore. I certainly don't fault those sweet children OR their parents. That's what babies do. But for me, it feels like someone is putting an ice pick in my ears and spinning it around. It was physically painful, to the point that I wanted to run away. I finally did just that... I took off because I couldn't handle one more moment of it. I went and sat in the relief society room and found it to be very quiet and peaceful there. I didn't want to leave. I was able to listen to the rest of the high councilman's talk and enjoy it. I went back in for gospel doctrine and was able to enjoy that class because it was so quiet. The same went for relief society.

In gospel doctrine today, Sister Bateman talked about the creation. It was a lovely lesson and it was nice to hear people share their personal thoughts. One of the things she suggested that we do is to find the talk by Spencer W. Kimball entitled "Tragedy or Destiny." So I just finished reading this talk and I am blown away by the words which he shared. So often we ask ourselves why God would allow certain tragedies to occur. But in truth, He does have his reasons and we can't see the whole picture. These things force us to walk in faith with God and in so doing it develops our own personal traits and characteristics. I am always saying, "everything happens for a reason" and I really do believe that. I was so thankful to find this article tonight. It was very timely for me and helped me to find some peace for some of the difficult times I have been faced with in recent days. It helped me to see my trials and challenges as blessings. I know that I will learn and grow from these times of adversity and for that I am grateful.

We were reminded today to take the time to stop in our daily travels and enjoy the small and beautiful wonders of creation all around us. I do love to see the hand of God in all things and it offers a reverence, even amidst the chaos of a busy schedule. Again, I am grateful.

I must say that it is nice having church at 9am. The afternoon seemed to stretch on and on today and it was nice. Ethan went and met with our bishop this afternoon for a baptismal interview and came home so excited about that! I can't belive my baby is 8 years old. I can't believe he will be entering the waters of baptism. I am just amazed at how much time has passed since his birth, and equally amazed at the growth and development he has displayed. I am so proud of him and I am so looking forward to his baptism.

Well, everyone is in bed for the night. Poor Mike was not feeling well and went to bed very early. The boys stayed up late as there is no school tomorrow but they are now fast asleep. I am enjoying the quiet time and am grateful for these moments of solitude.

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