Life Lessons, Symbolism, and Falling Apart

I get the distinct feeling that God is trying to either teach me something big or prepare me for something I can't imagine right now. So many things have happened in our lives in the past three months that have tested our faith, our patience, our love, our relationship, and our endurance. Through it all, I've tried to maintain a good attitude. I've tried to find the silver lining in the clouds. I've tried to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and that some lessons are not apparent to us right now. We aren't always privy to the "whys" of the challenges we are faced with. But tonight was the final straw for my battered spirit.

To recap the past few weeks... our home was burglarized. That was the first blow. We remained positive, knowing that our home owner's insurance would cover things. Then we found out that without our knowledge or approval (of which we discovered neither is required), our deductible on our policy had QUADRUPLED. We fought and fought to no avail. We felt used and taken and that was the second blow. Again, we held our heads up, upset as we were, and took it in stride. (Yes, we were depressed about it for a bit, but we got over that and moved on. What else can you do really?) We took comfort in the knowledge that we could use part of our tax return to pay for some things. Imagine our horror when we did our taxes tonight and discovered that for the first time in 11 years, we owe money to the I.R.S. We normally get at least a couple thousand dollars back but for varying reasons this year, we actually owe money. (Thankfully, it's not very much.) This was the final blow for me. I was okay for about an hour and then I spiraled.

I left the room and just had myself a really good and cleansing cry. Why? Why is this happening to us? This isn't fair. Let me reiterate that this is NOT about the "stuff". I don't care about any of it anymore. I've said goodbye to it all and I know it's never coming back. It's just the combination of it all. Mike put it quite eloquently tonight when he said, "I feel like we got robbed three times." It feels violating. You feel helpless and used. After I wallowed in self pity for awhile, Mike and I sat down and talked through it all (and I cried some more). And truthfully I do feel better about things. And once I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself a bit and have a good cry (or two), I was able to clear my head and be open to the Spirit about things.

I am reminded of the following scripture found in Matthew 11:28-30:

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I am once again able to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I have always had a profound belief in that concept and this is no different. At first I wasn't able to see what that reason was. But as time goes on, I think I am catching a glimpse of what it might mean. (Of course there may be multiple lessons here, but this is just one that I'm extracting from these recent escapades.)

Mike verbalized it when he said, "We needed to have the reset button pushed." Yes. That's it I believe. Aside from the home invasion woes, Mike and I have also been working on our own marriage relationship and through ALL of this, I do believe that God is trying to tell us that we need to have the reset button pushed. What we've been doing (in our relationship, in our family, in our daily lives) is rote. It has become rote and unthinking and in more ways than one, it is not working. We needed a loud wake-up call because if He's been sending us soft ones, they've fallen on deaf ears. We needed something big to wake us up, make us think, and get us out of a rut.

There are so many facets of our lives that need changing and need resetting. I think this is simply the wakeup call that we need to get our ourselves in gear and start making some serious changes. We're slowly revamping our diets and between that and having our (stolen) video game consoles gone, we have already noticed positive behavior changes in our children. That alone is priceless. We have a long way to go and I know these things won't happen overnight, nor will they happen painlessly, but we must put one foot in front of the other and know that God has a plan for us and although He never promised it would be easy, He did promise that it would be worth it.

I am also reminded of one of my very favorite church stories. I learned this story from my seminary teacher many years ago. Sister Hallstrom was an AMAZING seminary teacher. She put her whole heart and soul into that program and while I know I didn't appreciate it the way I should have THEN, I am beyond grateful for her time and sacrifice today. She taught me SO many things that I use in my life today. One of the stories she shared is a well known one in the church. It's called The Currant Bush, by Hugh B. Brown. Whenever I am particularly down on life, I reread this story and it always makes me feel better. I won't write out the text of it here, but you can click the link if you want to read it. There are profound lessons to be learned in that story.

I guess overall this is helping me to redouble my faith. (In my patriarchal blessing, I'm told to redouble my faith in times of adversity.) Moreover, I am being reminded that I cannot and should not go through any trials without seeking guidance and assistance from the Lord. We are not supposed to carry these burdens alone.

My outlook on all of this has changed and I can say without any uncertainty that I am turning this over to the Lord. He sees the whole picture. He knows what is best for me. I will have faith that these experiences will mold me into something better and will make me more humble and teachable.

Today in pictures

For Project 365, I can only choose one photo for the day. I took several others today and wanted to post them. These were all taken with my iPhone.

This is the crosswalk we use each day to get to and from school:

This is the road that leads to home:

Less than 1,ooo miles until my baby turns 100,000 She's been so good to me and I fully expect her to easily go another 100K:

One of my favorite places on the planet:

320th and winter trees:

Strange to put a toilet here, but for one thing, my boys will crack up laughing when they see this. For another, a very proud 6-year-old in my home cleaned this all by himself. Not only that, but he cleaned the floor and after I snapped these pictures, he cleaned the sink as well. But that's not even the most amazing part... he did it without ANY whining or complaining. He did it cheerfully and was so proud of himself. You can tell by the look on his face! I'm so proud of both my boys today, who cheerfully and quickly cleaned up this afternoon!!

Face2Face Billy Joel & Elton John

I had the grand opportunity of FINALLY getting to see Billy Joel and Elton John... TOGETHER on one stage! I have such a deep respect for both of these musicians. They are legends in their own time. Both are insanely talented and to see them together was an absolute treat!!

I went with Jodi, Jaime, and Jaime's sister-in-law Melissa. We had so much fun! We found great parking and then grabbed some food in the Seattle Center House. Then we headed over to Key Arena for the show. We sat at the very stop of the venue, but it was okay. It was kind of nice not having anyone behind us. I was a little miffed at how tight the seats were packed in and I was also frustrated that we could not really see either of the screens that were up. But oh well... we still had a decent view of the stage and I thought the sound system was pretty good. We could still hear the artists when they were speaking, even if the crowd was loud.

Seeing these guys was a real dream for me. I admit that I'm a much bigger fan of Billy Joel than I am of Elton John, so I was more excited when Billy sang. He sang so many of my favorite songs! We did a lot of screaming and by the time we got done our hearing was pretty muffled!

All in all a fun night and I'm so happy I got to enjoy it with friends. Here are some pictures from the night. Thanks to Jaime for the photos!!

January recap

I thought I'd do a little January recap since this month has been incredibly busy for our family. December wasn't such a great month for us in a lot of ways. But despite how busy we have been this month, I'm happy to say that overall it's been a wonderful month and I think Mike and I are in a place in our marriage that is better than we've ever been. That is most important to me because as long as that is strong, then the rest will fall into place.

We rang in the new year on a ferry boat as we watched fireworks over Seattle. My mom was here from Hawai'i and we were also with John, Jodi, and their crew. It was a BLAST... so much so that I think I'm going to make New Year's eve my priority holiday next year!

Mike left Washington not once, but twice this month. He spent a few days in Vegas for business and I REALLY wanted to go with him but it just didn't work out. If goes to the CES conference next year, I'm definitely going to plan on going with him. My mom will be back next year and she has already told me to let her know when the conference is so that she can make sure she stays through that time to help take care of the boys. I'm so excited. (You know it's pathetic when you are excited about a trip with your husband to Vegas while he attends a work-related conference. A conference, mind you, that is an entire year away! We haven't really left our kids overnight with anyone but one time. It's hard to find people that will take the kids for overnight trips.) My mom is also coming in September and she said she'll watch them if we want to leave for a few days then too. Yay! Anyway... Mike also went to L.A. for the first time last week. It was just an overnight trip but we missed him still the same.

I got to meet a former coworker and dear friend for lunch this month. I haven't seen Pam in a long, long time and it was awesome to catch up with her. My only regrets are that the time went way too fast and that she lives so darned far away. I am so happy we reconnected!

Jodi and I got to go and see 100 Monkeys perform in Seattle... a major highlight of the month!!

I think I finally got my second job situation straightened out. It's been months and months of agony trying to get through orientation, poor communication with the manager, and a new-hire evaluation done. But somehow, I made it through all of that I'm now just a "regular" employee instead of orientation. I've since worked two shifts on my own and they have both been very pleasant. This second job is a blessing to our family. I worked there on Thursday night and when the manager came in Friday morning, she even smiled at me and said "good morning". WOW... this is a huge improvement!

We welcomed two beautiful nieces into our family this month. Sabrina was born on January 11 and Blair was born on January 30. They are gorgeous and healthy and our family is blessed.

Our own son Ethan turned 8 years old on January 13. What a huge, huge milestone that was!! We took him out to dinner at Claim Jumper (his choice) and we saw Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel as a family. It was a really fun night. I didn't even have to bake a birthday cake because Ethan requested that instead of cake, he wanted the gigantic ice cream cookie sandwich at Claim Jumper. So we had that with a candle on it. Yum!

Ethan had his bishop's interview this month for his baptism. He is so excited and so are we! Due to work schedules, we are having his baptism a little later in February. He is busy planning the program right now and is really looking forward to this milestone event in his life.

Ethan also started Cub Scouts this month! I have a Cub Scout! WOW... it is mindblowing to think that it seems like only a few months have passed since I was holding him as a newborn. Now he's planning for the Pinewood Derby and looking forward to all that cub scouting has to offer!

Sadly, a coworker of mine lost her husband in an accident on January 26, just two days after giving birth to her third child. We still do not know all the details surrounding his death, but we certainly mourn and pray for her. The nursing staff on my unit are holding a bake sale tomorrow in her honor to raise funds to help her out. Her children are ages newborn, 1 and 2. I can't imagine...

And unfortunatley, as I've already written about in detail, our home was robbed a little more than a week ago. As I've stated before, we are blessed in that nobody was home, nobody was injured, and the only things taken were of material value. I pray for the thieves that broke into my home. I hope and pray that they will find peace in their lives such that they will no longer make the choice to engage in this kind of destructive behavior.

And lastly, we enjoyed a wonderful day at church today. It was ward conference and I learned so much. There seems to be a real focus this year on the basics and I think it's very timely. Right now it seems as though the world is very chaotic. There is SO much going on around us. So many people are having difficulties with things in their lives. So I think that getting back to the very basics is so important. After church was done, we went over to the Worrells' home and enjoyed the afternoon with them. We got to meet their new puppy Jasper (yes, he most certainly IS named after the Twilight character!!). Our boys enjoyed playing with theirs. We enjoyed talking and the comeraderie of friendship. Of course we enjoyed a splendid meal as well. We mentioned before that we'd never had a fried turkey before and so John made one! We enjoyed turkey, mashed potatoes, bread and green beans. And we had brownies for dessert. The food was amazingly good. Mike and I both agree that we would LOVE to have fried turkey again in the future... it was wonderful! The picture at the top is the view I caught looking out from Jodi's deck. Spectacular view!

That wraps up a very busy and eventful and blessed January!! I should also mention that it's been unseasonably warm this January... in the 50s nearly every single day and not a flake of snow or a speck of ice to be found! We are NOT complaining... it's been wonderful! February holds much more in store for us. Mike is traveling again, we are celebrating our 11th anniversary, and Jodi and I are escaping to another concert! On Wednesday night we are heading out to see Elton John and Billy Joel perform at the Key Arena (FINALLY!!) This is the concert that was canceled in November due to illness. So it's been a LONG wait. I believe I bought these tickets last March or April. Feels good to finally use them! And of course on the 27th, our Ethan will be baptized. There is so much to look forward to!

Ward Conference

We had such an awesome ward conference today! I was so uplifted and I felt like each and every message was delivered for me personally. I got so much out of today's lessons!

I have a quick thought I wanted to share... a highlight of sorts...

We were late for church today (grrr) but it wound up being a good thing. There was absolutely no place to sit in the chapel so we wound up sitting on the chairs in the foyer. I found that for me personally, it was a perfect place to sit. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I am sensitive to a lot of different kinds of noises. I found it was pretty quiet in the foyer and there was a lot less distraction... less light, less people, less noise. Plus, the speaker is right in the middle and I could hear everything really well. I actually got a lot out of the talks by sitting out there. (Oh, have I mentioned that the couches are comfy too? Maybe I shouldn't post that... everyone else will be vying for a spot out there!)

As I sat listening to the talks, I was spiritually edified and uplifted. Our stake president, President Nicholls spoke in the second half of the meeting. During his talk, I was watching various parents come and go from the chapel with wiggly little children. They were all so cute. At one point, a father was out walking with his little toddler. He seemed genuinely interested in everything that was going on out there. But something happened that just warmed my heart and really testified of the spirit...

As this father walked past the picture of Jesus Christ that is in the foyer, this little boy swung himself around in his dad's arms and reached right out for that portrait. The look on his face was priceless... as though he was thinking, "Hey wait. Stop. I know this man. He is my friend." The recognition in his eyes was undeniable. Just seconds after this occurred, President Nicholls began talking about the Holy Spirit. He said something to the effect of (not an exact quote, sorry): "Have you felt the Holy Spirit today? When you feel that feeling, it's telling you that this is the way. This is the path to follow." And I just began to cry as I sat there... because as he spoke, this little boy was illustrating the point so eloquently. Indeed, Jesus Christ is the way. Even as a small child who can't yet express those feelings verbally, he knows. It was a beautiful moment... one in which the sun and stars and planets seem to line up perfectly to deliver a message loud and clear. I'm so thankful for that experience today!

I am so happy I was at church today!

Violated

I've never been raped. But I think I might have some inkling about what the emotion of that experience might be like. Realize I said "inkling." I'd never profess to actually think I could understand what that act feels like, having (thankfully) never experienced it. On Friday, our house was burglarized. When I realized it had happened, it was like someone had socked me in the gut. There was a physical pain associated with it. And then came the sadness and fear and anger and frustration as I processed the fact that someone had entered my personal sanctuary and violated my sense of peace and wellbeing. My home has always been my little slice of heaven. It's the place where I can let down my guard, be comfortable, and know that the I am safely locked away from whatever else is going on outside the doors and walls of my haven. But that was violated and rocked on Friday and I've had a lot of processing to do.

I'll back up... I'd been having problems with my iPhone. Two trips to the Apple store at Southcenter did not fix the problem. Finally I made a call to Apple headquarters and talked to a nice guy who agreed that it was time to switch out the phone. He called me Friday morning and told me he could get me an appointment at the Southcenter store in the next hour. I jumped at the chance, knowing I had to work all weekend and wouldn't have another opportunity until the following week. I had planned on staying home and catching up on laundry and dishes and that sort of thing. But instead, I grabbed my wallet and phone and took off. Afterward, I met Mike for lunch since he works right there in Renton. We enjoyed a nice lunch together and then I headed home. I was gone no more than about 3-1/2 hours.

As I rounded the corner of my culdesac, I immediately sensed that something was wrong. When you live in a house for 9 years, you notice right away when something doesn't look right. The color of my front door was off. As I got closer to the house, I realized that this was so because the door was slightly ajar... not wide open, just slightly ajar... and this threw the light and shadows into a different pattern than my eyes were used to seeing. Let me say that this is not the first time I've come home to find my door ajar. Typically, it's never bothered me. I've always known that someone must not have closed it tightly or sometimes we go out the garage door and forget to check the front door. But this time I immediately knew that something was not right. For one thing, I had a sense of dread and evil. It was as though there was a bubble of evil all around my house. I could almost see it. I had a sick, disgusting, terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. And secondly, I remembered very, very distinctly coming out the front door and putting my key into the lock and turning the deadbolt. There is no way it could have gotten opened except from the inside.

I called Mike on the phone from the driveway and told him that our door was open. He asked if I had gone inside to check things out and I said, "No way. I'm too scared. What if someone is still in there? What if they have a gun or a knife? What if they were in there when I drove up and now they are hiding?" I walked to the side of the house... another sucker punch. The screen to our kitchen window was down on the ground and sitting in the leaves. However, the window itself was closed. I noticed one thing on the kitchen counter looked like it had been displaced, but it was something so minor that the kids could have moved it. The dirty dishes piled in the sink (the ones I had planned on staying home to wash before talking to the guys at Apple) were untouched and undisturbed. I walked back around to the front and used the garage door opener in the car to open the garage. Another bad sign... the door leading from my laundry room to the garage was open. I never leave that door open. I'm meticulous about keeping it closed because I don't like heat escaping into the garage. And a piece of wood we had near the door was broken and split. I did not enter the house.

I walked back out of the garage and decided to ease my way up the front walkway towards the front door. My heart was pounding and I was nervous and I could just FEEL the evil. I had Mike on the phone with me the entire time. I wanted him there in case anyone attacked me. At least he'd hear and be able to call police for me. I used my foot and tapped on the front door to open it up and then the major blow came. There in the corner of my living room, where there should have been a flat screen television, was an empty space. I said to Mike, "The TV is gone." Mind you, my feelings had NOTHING whatsoever to do with the TV. I just felt sick and violated and I began to shake. At that point Mike hung up and left work to come and meet me at home. I got back into my car, locked the door, and called the police. I was pretty surprised by my reaction while on the phone with the police. I was very calm but I was shaking and trying really hard not to cry while I gave her information. I just felt sick. Then all I could do was wait. So I sat in my car and updated my Facebook status to reflect what was going on and within minutes, Dianne (a nurse I work with) pulled up in my driveway. I was SO happy to see her. She gave me a big hug and stayed with me until Mike got home so that I wouldn't be alone. I am so thankful and grateful for friends. She really, really took the edge off my anxiety just by being there. Then Mike got home and he walked into the house and checked things out and made sure no one else was in there. Only then did I feel "safe" going inside. It felt odd walking in and seeing things missing, knowing that thieves had infiltrated our space.

A Federal Way police officer showed up. He made a report and took photographs. He's a very nice guy and we've since communicated with him a few more times and he's been very helpful. Then we filed a claim with our home owner's insurance. I don't expect that to be resolved for another week or so. In the meantime, we've had a security system installed and I do feel a lot better about having it. I like it and it's easy to use. I was able to sleep peacefully today while the kids were in school. I keep thinking that these guys could have come in one day while I was asleep in my bedroom. How scary!

As a follow up... I'm feeling better and better about the situation. I thought it would take me a LONG time to get over this feeling of violation. But I've come to realize over this past weekend that much of that feeling is in my mind. I have made a conscious effort to let go of those emotions. Yes, people came into my home uninvited and took things that belonged to us. However, if I allow that to consume me, then they win. If I allow those feelings to swallow me up, then my home will never be a haven for me again. So I choose to let it go. Moreover, I feel sorry for the thieves who committed this crime. I feel sorry that they were in such a place in their lives where they felt the need to stoop to such heinous acts. I pray for them. In the meantime, I'm taking my home back. It's MY piece of heaven on earth and I can't allow outside influences to change that happy fact.

I am thankful beyond words that none of my family was harmed or home when this crime took place. I'm thankful that the thieves chose only to take my things. They did not destroy things or turn things over or ransack my home. They simply took what they wanted and they left. In the grand scheme of things, it could have been much worse. Even in the face of such a despicable act, there are things to be thankful for.

100 Monkeys

Jodi and I had a totally amazing adventure on Monday night... we got to go to Seattle and see 100 Monkeys perform live. Now let me back up and explain who these guys are...

Of course it's well known that we are self-proclaimed Twihards (i.e., we are obsessed with author Stephenie Meyer's Twilight book series). In the movies, the character of Jasper Hale is played by actor/musician Jackson Rathbone. Aside from acting, Jackson plays in a band called 100 Monkeys. They have mainly stuck to the eastern side of the country but due to fan demand, they are branching out in 2010 and touring all over the country. Lucky Seattle got to have them right at the beginning of their tour.

I had asked Jodi if she wanted to go and we both were kind of nonchalant about it. We kind of figured, "Eh. If we go, we go. If we don't, we don't." But we ended up deciding to go and WOW are we glad we did! We took off Monday evening and got lucky enough to find parking right across the street from the venue. Then we went in search of food... not an easy task at night in the SODO district as it's very industrial. However, we got lucky. Less than two blocks north, directly across the street from Safeco Field is the Pyramid Alehouse. While the Alehouse is obviously known for their large selection of beer and lager, we of course went for the food, which was VERY good and quite reasonably priced. We were actually surprised at how cheaply we got out of there. Because it was happy hour, all the appetizers were 30% off. I got a plate of pork sliders and a side of sweet potato fries (a seriously huge side, I might add) and some water and got out of there for less than $10! That is a STEAL for really good quality food in downtown Seattle!

After filling up on good food, we walked back to the Showbox and got in line for the show. Despite being near the end of the line, it wasn't that crowded at all. Luckily, we don't drink alcohol, because half the crowd headed into the bar. That meant the rest of us could secure a pretty good place to see the band. We weren't far from the stage at all. We did have to wait through two opening acts before 100 Monkeys took the stage. The first guy, Jacob James, was pretty good but I thought all his songs sort of sounded the same. He was definitely humorous and kept us smiling, especially when he was so rudely cut off in the middle of his first number by a fire alarm going off! (Thankfully, just a little smoke from the kitchen... nothing serious.) After he performed, we listened to a group called Exohxo perform for awhile. They were very lively and talented and kept the audience entertained. My only complaint is that the music was SEVERELY too loud... so much so that we could't really hear the singers singing. But they were good.

And then of course, the Monkeys took the stage and I can't believe how fast the time just FLEW after that. These guys are TRUE entertainers and kept the audience VERY happy for the time they were on stage. I am still amazed at just how talented these guys are. Not only can they sing, but they ALL play EVERY instrument! After each song, they would move around and trade instruments. They'd travel back and forth between drums, keyboard, guitar, bass guitar, and congas. Every now and then they'd throw a flute and trumpet in the mix as well! They took turns on lead vocals too. I haven't had so much fun in a long time. It was a BLAST and I was not ready for them to leave the stage!

As we headed out the door after the show, we got to shake hands with one of the band members, Jerad. I would be lying if I said we weren't a little giddy about that! We walked around the corner to cross the street to the car and realized that two other band members, Jackson Rathbone and Ben G. were hanging out of a window upstairs, waving to fans walking by. So we waved too and said, "Thank you" and got in the car. Then, just like a couple of school girls, we sat there and continued to watch them. After awhile, they threw a bunch of Scrabble tiles out the window to a handful of fans below. So we jumped out of the car and grabbed a few.

Then we just stayed there for probably a good hour as they interacted with fans. People were throwing t-shirts up to them and they were signing them. One girl even threw her bra up to have it signed. Can't say we we'd be willing to do THAT! Finally, they closed the window and we left. It was a fabulous night. They were playing in Portland the next night and I have to say, if I wasn't working, we would have headed down there to see them perform again! That's how much we loved them. What a fabulous time we had!! I will forever have fond memories of that night!

Happy Birthday Boot!

Today is Rebekah's birthday... happy 24th! We met up with her, Emily, Loral and the parents over at the Mongolian Grill in the mall. We had a nice meal together.

Happy Birthday Bekah!!

New hair

Got my hair chopped today. I'm SO happy with it. I haven't had it cut since (I think) last August or September. I know it was when my mom was here for the summer. I was not happy with how the layers looked so I've been growing it out because I knew I'd have to cut off a few inches in order to make it look better. It was worth the wait! Jolene Wells, who is in my ward, cut it and I'm totally happy with it.

Shape Collage!

I found this very awesome and totally free program called Shape Collage. It'll take any photos you want and put them in a collage format. This is a generic square shape. However, the possibilities are endless. You can draw your own shape, use word shapes, or any other black & white art image. It's so much fun. This is a collage of my "Mobile Uploads" folder from my Facebook page. I really like seeing all my pictures like this. They've all been taken over the past year and it's fun to see what my eye was looking at throughout the year. I'm already dreaming up many more ways to use this little application! This collage isn't very clear for a couple of reasons... it's made up for mobile photos (photos taken with my phone camera) and because it's taken from Facebook. I think that when I do photos made with my Canon pictures, it'll be a lot clearer. Still fun all the same!

Sunday thoughts

I'm trying out the OMMwriter for the first time right now. I think I have fallen in love completely. This program is amazing. Moreover, it's free. It makes writing a true escapist activity. I can't see anything else on my screen write now. There is no temptation to check email because I can't see when new messages come through. The same goes for Twitter and Facebook. It brings new meaning to the concept of "out of sight, out of mind." The page background is beautiful. It's a snowy white with snow in the foreground and a couple of distant winter trees. I have the option of changing that if I would like. I am listening to the sound of lapping waves on a shore and it's so serene and peaceful that I think I can picture myself on the beach even as I'm typing this. I also have the option of changing the sounds of the keystrokes. They can be silent or a variety of other sounds. Currently, I hear small drops of water as I type and it adds to the peace of the experience. From the moment I started using the program, I felt relaxed and I felt like my mind was opened up wide and more free to accept the ebb and flow of ideas that are constantly rushing through it.

Church was very uplifting today. I am so glad I was there. I was a little bit frustrated in sacrament meeting. You see, I'm very, very sensitive to loud stimuli. In fact, there is an actual term for it, called "the highly sensitive person." I remember stumbling upon the book of the same title some years ago by Dr. Elaine Aron. I didn't actually read the book, but I went to her website and took the self test available there to see if I was really considered highly sensitive. I was shocked by the result. Of the 27 listed traits, I checked the boxes of 26! I am very, very often overwhelmed by environmental stimuli. I am sensitive to smells (and this was over exaggerated while I was pregnant) and can sometimes be frustrated by lighting as well. Very bright lights make me want to run and hide. I like ambient lighting and often find myself turning off as many lights as possible. But overwhelmingly, it is noise that really gets to me. Sometimes the level of noise is nearly crippling. I've spent so much time trying to figure out what the triggers are. I wonder, because I can attend a concert or a party and not be bothered by the noise so much. But in other situations, it really gets to me, so much so, in fact, that it's all I can do to keep myself from literally running from the room. At home, it's often just too much for me to hear the television, the kids making noise, and other sounds all at once. I just want to press a mute button on everything.

Today in sacrament meeting I felt that way. There were so many babies screaming and crying and I just couldn't take it anymore. I certainly don't fault those sweet children OR their parents. That's what babies do. But for me, it feels like someone is putting an ice pick in my ears and spinning it around. It was physically painful, to the point that I wanted to run away. I finally did just that... I took off because I couldn't handle one more moment of it. I went and sat in the relief society room and found it to be very quiet and peaceful there. I didn't want to leave. I was able to listen to the rest of the high councilman's talk and enjoy it. I went back in for gospel doctrine and was able to enjoy that class because it was so quiet. The same went for relief society.

In gospel doctrine today, Sister Bateman talked about the creation. It was a lovely lesson and it was nice to hear people share their personal thoughts. One of the things she suggested that we do is to find the talk by Spencer W. Kimball entitled "Tragedy or Destiny." So I just finished reading this talk and I am blown away by the words which he shared. So often we ask ourselves why God would allow certain tragedies to occur. But in truth, He does have his reasons and we can't see the whole picture. These things force us to walk in faith with God and in so doing it develops our own personal traits and characteristics. I am always saying, "everything happens for a reason" and I really do believe that. I was so thankful to find this article tonight. It was very timely for me and helped me to find some peace for some of the difficult times I have been faced with in recent days. It helped me to see my trials and challenges as blessings. I know that I will learn and grow from these times of adversity and for that I am grateful.

We were reminded today to take the time to stop in our daily travels and enjoy the small and beautiful wonders of creation all around us. I do love to see the hand of God in all things and it offers a reverence, even amidst the chaos of a busy schedule. Again, I am grateful.

I must say that it is nice having church at 9am. The afternoon seemed to stretch on and on today and it was nice. Ethan went and met with our bishop this afternoon for a baptismal interview and came home so excited about that! I can't belive my baby is 8 years old. I can't believe he will be entering the waters of baptism. I am just amazed at how much time has passed since his birth, and equally amazed at the growth and development he has displayed. I am so proud of him and I am so looking forward to his baptism.

Well, everyone is in bed for the night. Poor Mike was not feeling well and went to bed very early. The boys stayed up late as there is no school tomorrow but they are now fast asleep. I am enjoying the quiet time and am grateful for these moments of solitude.

OMMwriter

Ommwriter from Herraiz Soto on Vimeo.

If you love writing and you use a Mac, you will not want to miss out on this FREE beta text processor. You can download it in seconds and begin using it "write" away! I love that it is a full screen application. There is less temptation to look at email or other applications because you simply can't see them while you're in OMMwriter. I also adore the background sounds that are available, making writing a truly escapist activity. You can listen to beautiful music or lapping waves along a shore or nothing at all. The backgrounds are simple and beautiful and easy on the eyes without being a distraction. I think I'm going to have too much fun with this program!

Avatar & Jimmy Mac's!

We went and saw Avatar in 3D today. WOW... I see what all the hype is about now. FABULOUS film and I highly recommend it! It was a fun family outing. Ethan got antsy because the running time is quite long (almost 3 hours I believe) but otherwise we had a great time. I had a bit of a hard time with the 3D and would like to watch it again in 2D. What a thought-provoking story... I'm still processing it!

Afterwards, we went out to Jimmy Mac's Roadhouse for dinner and had a nice meal together. Their rolls are THE BEST... sweet and hot from the oven... dripping with butter!! YUM! I had a Caesar salad with a side of sweet potato fries and it was a little slice of heaven!

I love having Saturdays together as a family. :-)

Pray for Haiti

On January 12, the country of Haiti was struck by a magnitude 7.0 earthquake. Its epicenter was just off the capital city of Port-au-Prince. It is feared that the death toll from this quake will surpass 100,000. My heart is so heavy for the Haitian community.

I must admit that today was the first day I allowed myself to even look at a news story or look at any photographs of the devastation. I just couldn't bring myself to do it before. My heart sank when I saw the photos. It is utter destruction. The capitol building has been destroyed. No one has a home to go to. People are sleeping in parks, in the streets, on mattresses outside their homes, and in other areas. For the first day, people were helpful and peaceable. But things have turned ugly and violent and there are widespread stories of gang fights, looters, and people fighting over food with machetes. Machetes! I can only imagine how terrified these people are. Can you imagine trying to secure food for your children only to be threatened or killed by a machete blow? There are other stories of entire families obliterated... or a parent left to mourn the loss of all of her children. The United Nations building was destroyed, along with dozens of UN workers.

It seems the world is coming together to try and render aid to these people. Doctors and nurses are needed. This is the first time I ever actually found myself wanting to go and help. But I have my own small children to attend to right now and I too must work. Perhaps someday I can serve other people in that capacity.

My heart is just so heavy. I feel guilty typing on this computer... I feel guilty that I am able to sit in my comfortable home with a light on. I had a lovely meal this evening with my family. I live in a safe neighborhood and in a peaceful home. I have bathrooms with flushing toilets and a kitchen with running water (running HOT water). And the people of Haiti have nothing right now.

Please pray for the people of Haiti.

Happy Birthday Ethan!

I can't believe my sweet Ethan is 8 years old!! Ethan woke me up on his birthday (January 13) and shouted, "MOM! MOM! It's my BIRTHDAY!!" The joy in his voice was infectious and I didn't even mind being woken up. I smiled and wished him a happy day. Then he said, "Wait, what time was I born?" to which I replied, "12:33p.m." He then said, "Oh. So it's not my birthday yet!"

Ethan got a Wii game he'd been asking for... Super Smash Brothers for Mario (I think that's how you say it... hahaha). His dad called him from work to wish him a happy birthday. Then off he went to school.

I showed up just before school ended with a big bouquet of balloons and some party favors for the class. When I walked in, I saw him immediately. His teacher greeted me and the kids were so excited to see the balloons. Mrs. Marzec immediately began leading us in a chorus of "Happy Birthday" and it was really, really hard not to cry as I looked at him. His face was absolutely beaming as he grinned from ear to ear, so proud that it was his special day. I wish I could have captured it on film but I didn't. My heart, however, will never forget the look on his face at that moment.

After we passed out the favors, the kids gathered on the floor, ready for dismissal. Ethan got to go up to the front of the class and talk about his birthday and his plans for the evening. I did capture that on film.

After school, we ran home and grabbed a few things and headed out. Ethan's wish for his birthday was to go and see "Alvin & the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel" and then go to The Claim Jumper. So we went to the theater right across the street from the restaurant. We were lucky enough to the have the ENTIRE theater to ourselves. The boys LOVED the movie. Afterwards, we headed across the street for dinner.

Ethan asked me NOT to make him a birthday cake this year. The only thing he wanted was an ice cream sandwich from The Claim Jumper. You see, this isn't just any ordinary ice cream sandwich. It's HUGE and it's meant to be shared. Even with four people it' s a LOT and we wound up bringing some of it home. They take a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie about the size of a small dinner plate and put several scoops of ice cream on it. Then they top it with another huge cookie. One side is covered in fudge, the other side in caramel. Then they put whipped cream around it. The waitress brought it over with a candle. He was SO excited! I did take pictures with my Canon but apparently my camera cord has decided to hide itself (it does this sometimes) and so I can't upload them right now.

We all walked away full and happy. I just can't believe my baby is 8. Where has the time gone? Just when I think I can't possibly love this kid any more, I fall in love with him all over again. He is the sweetest boy!! He has a baptism interview with the bishop this Sunday so I'll be back to write more about that later.