Today, while driving in the car, Ethan and I had a conversation. It started out benignly enough, but it took a turn that hurt my heart just a bit. Here's how it went:
Ethan: Mom, I wish we had a mansion and a pool and a park all at the same time.
Me: Ha! That would be nice huh? But we don't.
---Long pause from Ethan---
Ethan: If I didn't exist, you would have more money.
---My heart, being ripped in two---
Me: Why do you say that?
Ethan: I dunno.
Me: Ethan, that's not true. But even if it was true, I'd rather have you than all the money in the world. I love you SO much!
Ethan: Oh. Okay.
Talk about a heart breaker.
Ethan... if you ever read this some day... I want you to know that I have no idea where you got that thought from. I also want you to know that if you think you heard that somewhere, you heard incorrectly. No amount of money in the world would be better than having YOU! We love you to pieces. You are a shining ray of sunshine in our world and I can't even imagine life without you. If someone told me tomorrow that I'd lose every material possession I have if I kept you, I'd eat dirt for the rest of my life for the privelege. I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE SPECIAL AND SO IMPORTANT TO ME! I am blessed beyond measure to be your mother and often don't feel I deserve the title. Thank you for choosing me... thank you for joining our lives... I look forward to spending the eternities with you and daddy and Evan!!
Summer Fun Club Week Two
7 months ago